A word that could stem from many other words like- disinterested, dispassion, neutrality. To me it stems from one thing, which is fear. Many of us who have been hurt or burned before probably have learned to build the Great Wall of China around ourselves, to be sure that same thing doesn’t happen again. We built that wall so we won’t have the experience of the pain, the hurt, the sadness or numbness we once experienced. We built that wall out of protection and security. We built that wall to have power again- a sense of control.
What we don’t realize is that we aren’t only keeping that wall up to avoid experiencing any of those negative emotions. We also miss the feeling of the positive emotions, which are love, joy, ease, happiness, butterflies in your stomach, tears of joy and so many other ones. I know this like many of you because I built the Great Wall of China around myself. I’ve built it so high that people I love cannot get in. That’s when I woke and realized I don’t want the people I love only to know me to a certain extent. I don’t want them to feel a distance that I built myself. I don’t want them to feel like they can’t get as close to me as they want to or should be able to. I built that wall in order to get rid of that one experience I had ONE time. I did not build it to dismiss and miss the experiences that are yet to come, or what’s already right in front of me because I’m scared of the same outcome. Today I realized that I don’t want that wall there anymore. That wall will come down, even if it’s just one brick at a time. I want people to be as close to me as they possibly can be. If I do experience the pain and hurt I once felt, then I will experience those emotions because that’s life. Life is not all love, joy, and happiness. There will be dark times for you to grow and learn from, but there will eventually always be love, joy, and happiness on the other side.
A word that can come from many other words like- love, fitting, add-on. This word now doesn’t mean I will give up myself to rely on something or someone else. This word doesn’t mean I’ll forget who I ‘am and become belittled, or an accessory. It doesn’t mean I’m going to live in fear of it being gone, or if I'm being “too much.” Today this word means one thing to me, and that is love. The love you feel for something that brings you endless joy. The feeling of being drawn to something because it lights up your soul. Being so vulnerable that you’re willing to take that risk, and being brave enough to take that wall down.
Take down the Great Wall of China one brick at a time.