For some reason staring at a blank word document is one of the most intimidating things to me. Even though I love to write and once I start it flow as if I was having a conversation with you in person but I always start to over think and scare myself away from it. As I wrote that sentence a light bulb just went off and I’m here thinking to myself “you scare yourself away from a lot of things Abby, it’s not just this”. This definitely isn’t an epiphany or something I wasn’t aware of before because trust me, I’ve been well aware. Even though it’s something I’ll probably continuously be working on, it’s nice to be reminded that it’s up to me to push through it and start anyway. I hold myself back from starting things over the most ridiculous reasons like over analyzing or criticizing myself, being scared of making a grammar error (I love writing, not editing), telling myself that everything in my house needs to be completely clean and tidy before I can write or that I'm not in a place of enough inspiration. All of this is just my brain telling itself excuses so it doesn't have to do it because it's scared. However, if I listened to that I wouldn't start anything in my life. It’s up to me to push through it and just start and that's exactly what I'm going to tell you. Nobody else is going to push you through it or make you start something. It doesn’t matter if you have the greatest friends, therapist or coach holding you accountable. If you’re too scared to do it but do it anyway because someone is holding you accountable, your energy won’t be in it. You won’t fully show up and do it how you want it to be done until you’re ready to push through the scariness.
We tell ourselves lies all the time just to scare ourselves away from things. I’m not an expert as to why our brain does this but from a great amount of personal testing, I’ve realized it's because of one thing, failure. Sounds kind of dumb right? Why would we let one thing, especially something that we’ve been practicing since we took our first breath of air to scare us, to the point of stopping us from trying something? Failure isn't supposed to be scary, it's supposed to guide you. It’s supposed to let you know if something is working or if something needs to be changed. However, as you got older you changed what failure actually means to you. You changed the belief system around it. Now, obviously, you didn’t do this on purpose. Why would you purposely make your life scary? No, you changed it because of how society portrays it. When you were younger and you got an “F” on a test, you were punished in some way. You were told that we didn’t try hard enough. If you didn’t get that promotion at work or if your relationship or marriage is falling apart, you automatically put an “F” on your forehead and think you failed. That you didn’t try hard enough and it’s all your fault. I suggest you really take in what I’m about to say because I’m only going to say this once. THAT. IS. COMPLETE. BULLSH*T. Failure does not mean you didn’t try hard enough, that you’re not good enough, that your life is never going to be where you want it to be or whatever lie you’ve been telling yourself for years now. Failure is simply just a guideline. It’s not negative, it shouldn’t be scary and it sure as hell shouldn’t ever be something that keeps you from doing something you want to do! It is impossible to succeed in everything you do. Could you imagine how boring life would be if you automatically knew that everything would work out just the way you wanted and how f*cked up it would actually be? You actually have no idea what you want in life. Sure, you can say you want happiness, love, excitement or success. You can imagine how you want your life to feel but you have no idea what that actually looks like. You don’t know what that looks like until you find what you don't like. Do you see where I’m going with this? Let me say it one more time, you don’t know what you like until you know what you don’t like…
You have to try things over and over again until you know. For example, you know what you don’t want in a relationship because you've probably experienced that from a previous relationship that failed. You know what you don’t want to do for a career or go to school for because you've probably already tried that and it didn’t make you as happy as you thought it would. All those things you’re scared to fail at or you did fail at is not a bad thing. They are your greatest lessons and failure is actually one of the most positive things in the end. Yes, I’m well aware that it doesn’t feel like it at the time or people may look at it as something to be embarrassed about but who cares! That’s their belief system and what they’ve been taught. You do not need to worry about other people's belief systems. They are making their life much harder just by believing it’s something negative. Failing is like that super honest best friend you have. They will sure as hell tell you when something isn’t working, or what needs to be changed because they love you. They want you to succeed and see you at your best. They want to try and put you in the right direction. If you did not fail you would stay on the same path your entire life and most likely be super unfulfilled because the universe always has something better in store for you. You can only get there by growing and to grow you must fail. Next time you’re scared to do something I want you to actually sit with yourself and ask why. I can promise you it will come down to failing. Once you get there I want you to remind yourself that failure is not a negative thing, it's your guideline. It’s actually impossible to fail unless you stop trying. It’s impossible to fail because you can always try again. Failing ultimately does not exist the way you think it does. It is not the end but a new beginning.
Stop telling yourself lies. Show up and try for that new job, try for the promotion, let an unhealthy relationship go and choose to start the new beginning. Every. Damn. Time.
What to remember:
Failure is just a guideline
Failure = new beginning
Failure is like your honest best friend
Failure does not exist. It’s all up to you to keep going.
YOU got this. KEEP GOING.